overexcitability

When I read through Dabrowski's emotional overexcitability,
I know I'm one of those who have intensive feelings and extreme emotions.

I feel like a freak these days.
Tearing myself into a number of "MEs".
One tells the other ME, "YOU" don't really feel that way.
Keep telling myself I don't feel exactly what I feel.

I try to capture these fluctuations.
If iza thinks she is a freak one day,
she is not the only one :)



These few weeks,
we have visited a number of primary schools,
making applications,
and,
planning for iza's education in the future.

Last Friday.
I've submitted an application form to a public school.
A school that is
not popular,
not well known for academic,
not yet well established,
hardly find a comment on the internet,
people around us have never heard of it...
It is not distant away.
It is in Shatin, the district we live.
Why choose it?
We just feel like it when we visited it.
From filling the form to handing in,
I am scare by our own choice.
We always take risks.
But this time is iza's future.
Intensive fear...

Last Saturday.
Iza has an interview with a private school.
I love the school very very very much.
But I try to hold back my passions,
in case,
Iza is not admitted by the school,
I will not feel like falling down cliff.
Sounds mad?
If I'm putting in too much affections, my imagination flies...
Can't help.
I cannot let myself feel too good.

This Monday.
Iza has to attend a Maths test.
She has demonstrated strength on this area.
Being observed over a year by professionals, it is advised that it is the time to let her try...
Therefore, it is not a rush decisions.
But it just happens in the middle of these critical dates.
If she scores up to 97% or above against her peer group, she will be an eligible candidate to a distant program held by a US University.
A new dimension in her life...
I'm eager to know the result.
At the same time, I know I cannot be too serious and anxious.
Must prepare for the other scenario...
When I was sitting on the sofa outside the room where iza was taking the test,
I told myself that I felt nothing,
nothing has happened as an ordinary date.
Anaesthetized myself.
I'm not afraid of failure
but
the emptiness,
the long waiting
and
losing in direction
after the test...
Iza didn't know that she was taking a test.
She thought that it was a game.

How perplexed?

These days, I'm reading 3 books at the same time.
Many times, I cannot decide which one to read.
Pick up and put down,
again & again.
Words are just patterns,
I don't know exactly what they mean.

After the test,
I decided not to read that night.
I had a good sleep.
She did pass.

In the evening of Tuesday.
We learnt that one of her best friend would have a second interview with the private school (the one we visited on Sat).
After the phone call,
I sat still for 2 hours.
Still like a stone.
Could hardly think.

Iza didn't know what's happened.
Maybe, she saw me frozen...
she asked me to fill in a form she designed.
In which, there were different facial expressions.

"Mama, tick the icon(s) that reflects how you feel,
then, write down the cause(s) for such feelings."

"Who taught you this?" I asked.

"Nobody."

I followed her "instructions".
It's amazing.
It healed.

Thursday afternoon.
We've got a call from that private school,
iza is admitted!
Hooray!!!

+++

According to Kazimierz Dabrowski, a Polish psychiatrist and psychologist, who developed his Theory of Emotional Development, emotional intensity is a positive characteristic...(Dabrowski,1964). He described emotional development as an interaction between developmental potential and the environment. He called this intensity overexcitability and identified 5 types.
1 Psychomotor- restlessness, curiosity, and lots of energy
2 Sensual - pleasure in sensory and aesthetic experiences
3 Intellectual-higher level thinking (analysis and synthesis); asks lots of questions
4 Imaginational-spontaneous; fantasizes and uses imagery and metaphor
5 Emotional-intensive feeings; is sensitive and empathetic

Overexcitabilities and intensities can startle and alarm others, and these behaviors are not easy to live with, but they do make life interesting (Maxwell,1995)