image from Wikipedia

I try,
to keep away from writing these days.
Too many things are happening.
Don’t know where to start and how to end.
My father soon starts his radiotherapy…
Ziggy’s father has just come out hospital…
His mother is still in the hospital, needs to be observed…

I write,
to reset myself.
to stop the explosion of the mess in my head.
To neatly layout,
and channel
the mess.

I wish,
I could have quiet days … without iza…
She drives me crazy!!!

She has poured her medicine onto my computer this morning.
Though not intended to…
She’s a master of CARELESSNESSSSS!
Before, I always think that it is normal for children.
After she broke her violin last Friday, I know I’m living with a "SLOVENRY".
She has started violin for less than 4 months, she has already dropped the violin onto the floor many many many times.
Maybe this is par with her peers?
However, she has [already] broken the bow at the very beginning, the chinrest fell apart, she crashed the front wood panel leaving a 2 inch crack (not scratch) and,
now the bridge is broken …
It doesn’t work anymore!!
There are no other children in the group has such a history!
She drops her cup of water or bowl of soup/rice every day.
I keep on cleaning and cleaning…

And, she is strange.

When she plays the piano, she always insists not to play certain pieces, or play as written, or play once more! We don’t even know whether she can manage to play properly because she refuses to. Sometimes she said certain notes in the music is not right, sometimes she said some pieces are meaningless… and, she said (only looks at, even without listening to), some are badly written that she dares not to play… So much strange thoughts and stubbornness!
Does she love playing piano?
I hope I can say NO.
So I can stop her piano lessons.
But the answer is definitely YES!
She can play it her way but not yours.
… I’m running out of patience!

I don’t know where we are heading to….

1 comment:

Bot3 said...

I am reading this entry three years after the post, and I am close to tears. I have been reading your blog for the past year, but for some reason today I (for the first time) am going through your archives. Your entries on Iza's journey fill me with hope. I have two little children (4 & 6) who seem much like Iza and have been assessed as EG, and who I am homeschooling, as a result of diagnosis. They are so full of wonder and are amazing, yet many days I feel the way you have described -- just desperate for a day without questions that I am not equipped to answer, a day without emotional intensity, and a day without chaos... Your blog is a gift. Thank you for sharing your journey. You truly inspire me to continue on most courageously.