Sharing with Loulou's mum,
Iza has forgotten her first day to school.
But, we remember those days.
We describe it as the “Dark Age”.
I do believe this is not going to happen to every child.
Some enjoy school.
Maybe there are children experiencing similar difficulties, not only the child needs support, so do parents.
The first 3 days, she was OK because she did not experience a real separation from me.
Parents were allowed to stay.
From the 4th day, she started to whine, cry and refused to join the class.
She just wandered outside the classroom for more than a month.
No signs of compromising.
More badly, she was found by her cousins hiding alone in the bathroom and sobbed.
She felt so bad that she thought her teacher hated her.
Before school started, she was a cheerful, outgoing, sociable tough little girl.
We were not expecting this to happen.
When she was 2 ½, she started Sunday school.
She could sit in the class without me since the first lesson.
She listened and responded well.
She also participated well in Kindermusik.
Once starting Kindergarten, she was withdrawn in all cases.
We could felt her intense emotions
She was commented as wary to stranger, slow to warm up, sensitive to comments, withdrawn, self-center, stubborn, difficult temperament and poor in emotional regulation.
I could hardly relate these to any positive attributes.
Always in my head was others' comment: “problem child comes from problematic parents.”
Not only Iza was extremely upset, I was emotionally overloaded.
I noticed most of the children adapted fairly soon but not iza.
We struggled through the first half year, she became a little bit flexible for the second half year.
But she did not make friends in the first year, she preferred teachers(adults).
Actually, after the first month of this incidence, we sought for professional help.
We saw the doctor whom focuses on child development and behavior.
As reported, she has sensory seeking tendencies for oral, tactile and vestibular input.
It was the first time in our lives we heard about sensory integration.
From that time on, I read lots of materials and books…
Released.
A sensory integration problem has nothing to do with her health and intelligence.
But we learnt more about her!
With the help of very good teachers, and occupational therapist, her emotions, behaviors and sensory problems are much improved.
From the start of K-2, last September, I started this blog.
I found that it is a quiet place for me to revisit some moments, some amazing moments of Iza during her grown up path.
Seeing iza’s photos makes me ”pack up” myself again. (Sometimes, I feel myself decaying into parts, losing bits by bits...)
And, I have chances to browse through some nice blogs about children and seeing how they grow and reared.
I gain valuable insights and share enjoyable moments of these children.
I learn that we need to allow her and ourselves enough time and space.
Perseverance
We would have given up many times if we are not persevering.
Throughout these 2 years, we learnt to understand that iza needs a long time to get ready for ANYTHING.
Like playing piano, because she loves to play piano since 2, we put her in class (taught individually) since 4.
However, during lessons, if she’s not hiding under the table or chair, whining or she ran away.
We cannot get her to play piano during lessons.
But if there was nobody there, she would play the piano in her own way.
Surely, the teacher is not pushy.
She is very patient.
I believe that iza has a psychological block.
There were many times that iza’s granny suggested we should stop the lessons.
We would only waste our money.
She thought iza demonstrated no interest and talent in music.
I don’t think it’s about talent.
I’m sure Iza loves music.
But there was something wrong…
After 9 months struggles, iza can manage to play music in lessons.
And, her teacher only taught around 20 small pieces of music,
But she can play over 60 small pieces.
She learns to play by herself.
Only sometimes she needs help.
Now in the lessons, iza can play whatsoever pieces as she like to the teacher.
And the teacher will recommend iza to play a piece next week.
There are seldom demonstrations.
Maybe this is her particular way of learning.
This also happens in swimming class…
We know she loves numbers.
One fine day when she was still 3, she asked me,” Is 2+2=4??”
I found out that this was not taught in the class.
The teacher only taught the children to count 4 during that week.
It was as stated by her; this thing just came out from her mind.
We then bought her some addition & subtraction cards (answers from 0-20).
She hates them!
2 days ago, she picked them up.
She found them easy.
And, she asks,” Is 16+16=32?”
It is not included in the cards, and I know this is not taught in the school.
She has her own unique pace and pattern.
We once have very bad experience in getting iza attending “Pleasure in Play” (PIP-a drama class for young child)-
A very fun program and welcomed by lots of children.
I held her in my arms (both of us cried) sitting outside the classroom for all 8 lessons (the whole course).
I have her tried for the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and finally the 5th course, totally not less than 40 lessons.
She eventually feels comfortable to join the class.
Why am I doing so?
Not because I want her to be an artist.
I think she shall overcome her anxiety.
Before ending of the 5th course, she said,
" Lots of children love PIP.
But not me.
Their stories and sceneries are created (by teachers), why not letting us to create.”
Since she can manage to discard her dislike and make her effort to participate,
I promise her not to join PIP anymore.
Maybe in my mind, consciously and unconsciously, I wish iza not to give up easily because of fear in managing difficulty. But we can choose to give up once we can manage to overcome it.
We learn to adapt to unpredictable, live with uncertainty,
and make friend with anxiety.
