The start of the year is also the exam season, iza's ever first exam ... I wish we could have extra peace and patience ...
I wish I could safe guard the time for playing, or time for doing nothing, the time on her own for my child EVERYDAY.
I wish I could resist the urge to set parameters to my child and her environment, making her how I think she should be or do. I wish I could let go of control.
I wish we could find our rhythm which allows for imperfections, a rhythm which doesn't make us feel guilty.
I have spent the first 2 months, since iza has started her primary school life, on feeling shame on not fulfilling all tasks, including all instruments' practices ... the third month on learning to forgive ourselves ... the fourth month ( it's already Christmas time) to realize it's NOT possible to finish ALL dedicated tasks everyday ... Once I thought iza should learn to work efficiently ... now I think I need to help her learning what to skip and when to catch up, responding to different schedules on every weekday ... and I can see her imagination blooming again when she has nothing to do on the Holidays ... her sense of humor flourishing again when her mind is free ... my will in choosing this school is to allow her to own her time, her space, her learning ... but 9 hours school time plus at least 1 1/2 hours for homework, academic study overweights her daily life ... but what humiliates me is that two P1 students have withdrawn from iza's school after the Holiday because their parents are looking for more compact syllabus and advance learning materials ... lately, iza has compromised to give up her piano ... the decision is heart breaking and she is sad ...