overexcitability

When I read through Dabrowski's emotional overexcitability,
I know I'm one of those who have intensive feelings and extreme emotions.

I feel like a freak these days.
Tearing myself into a number of "MEs".
One tells the other ME, "YOU" don't really feel that way.
Keep telling myself I don't feel exactly what I feel.

I try to capture these fluctuations.
If iza thinks she is a freak one day,
she is not the only one :)



These few weeks,
we have visited a number of primary schools,
making applications,
and,
planning for iza's education in the future.

Last Friday.
I've submitted an application form to a public school.
A school that is
not popular,
not well known for academic,
not yet well established,
hardly find a comment on the internet,
people around us have never heard of it...
It is not distant away.
It is in Shatin, the district we live.
Why choose it?
We just feel like it when we visited it.
From filling the form to handing in,
I am scare by our own choice.
We always take risks.
But this time is iza's future.
Intensive fear...

Last Saturday.
Iza has an interview with a private school.
I love the school very very very much.
But I try to hold back my passions,
in case,
Iza is not admitted by the school,
I will not feel like falling down cliff.
Sounds mad?
If I'm putting in too much affections, my imagination flies...
Can't help.
I cannot let myself feel too good.

This Monday.
Iza has to attend a Maths test.
She has demonstrated strength on this area.
Being observed over a year by professionals, it is advised that it is the time to let her try...
Therefore, it is not a rush decisions.
But it just happens in the middle of these critical dates.
If she scores up to 97% or above against her peer group, she will be an eligible candidate to a distant program held by a US University.
A new dimension in her life...
I'm eager to know the result.
At the same time, I know I cannot be too serious and anxious.
Must prepare for the other scenario...
When I was sitting on the sofa outside the room where iza was taking the test,
I told myself that I felt nothing,
nothing has happened as an ordinary date.
Anaesthetized myself.
I'm not afraid of failure
but
the emptiness,
the long waiting
and
losing in direction
after the test...
Iza didn't know that she was taking a test.
She thought that it was a game.

How perplexed?

These days, I'm reading 3 books at the same time.
Many times, I cannot decide which one to read.
Pick up and put down,
again & again.
Words are just patterns,
I don't know exactly what they mean.

After the test,
I decided not to read that night.
I had a good sleep.
She did pass.

In the evening of Tuesday.
We learnt that one of her best friend would have a second interview with the private school (the one we visited on Sat).
After the phone call,
I sat still for 2 hours.
Still like a stone.
Could hardly think.

Iza didn't know what's happened.
Maybe, she saw me frozen...
she asked me to fill in a form she designed.
In which, there were different facial expressions.

"Mama, tick the icon(s) that reflects how you feel,
then, write down the cause(s) for such feelings."

"Who taught you this?" I asked.

"Nobody."

I followed her "instructions".
It's amazing.
It healed.

Thursday afternoon.
We've got a call from that private school,
iza is admitted!
Hooray!!!

+++

According to Kazimierz Dabrowski, a Polish psychiatrist and psychologist, who developed his Theory of Emotional Development, emotional intensity is a positive characteristic...(Dabrowski,1964). He described emotional development as an interaction between developmental potential and the environment. He called this intensity overexcitability and identified 5 types.
1 Psychomotor- restlessness, curiosity, and lots of energy
2 Sensual - pleasure in sensory and aesthetic experiences
3 Intellectual-higher level thinking (analysis and synthesis); asks lots of questions
4 Imaginational-spontaneous; fantasizes and uses imagery and metaphor
5 Emotional-intensive feeings; is sensitive and empathetic

Overexcitabilities and intensities can startle and alarm others, and these behaviors are not easy to live with, but they do make life interesting (Maxwell,1995)

Love Iza's artworks.
She is always making something.
When she sits in front of the computer, she just draws...

She tore a piece of paper and form a human figure.
And, she's got a nice packing.

2 men on a dragon boat

It's one of my favorite.
Just like Picasso's drawing.

Iza's self-portrait.

Choosing a school

We need to submit form for applying primary school this weekend.
According to rules of game set by the Government, only one choice for the first round.
Still not yet make up our minds.
We've rushed a number of schools for these few weekends.
We hope to have a school that allow children to think and lead...
Maybe we are not realistic...

Iza wants to join her cousins' school.
But I'm not so sure...
And, the worst is that I don't know whether our choice is better than hers.
Sounds silly!?
So stressful!

Cracks

When iza saw somebody fixing the pavement bricks yesterday, she wondered why the bricks cracked.
"Everything ages, non-living things are not exceptional.
Plastics, metal, concrete age.
Like our bones, they may crack when we become old.
Or just like leaves, they become crispy..."
I thought that it is universal.

"mama, water does not crack!"
iza simply replied.

There was a blink.

Our design studio has participated in the 'Homeless World Cup 2008' Local Fundraising Tournament last Sunday. It is to “Kick off Poverty”.
The Homeless World Cup is an international pilot-project that uses the positive power of football for raising the profile of the issue of homelessness and poverty worldwide. Social integration through sport has become a successful strategy in many countries. The unifying passion for football has a unique ability to shift social borders. (www.homelessworldcup.org)

Iza was energized by the game spirit.

Papa ziggy's back pack was stolen during the match.

His cell phone and computer has gone.

Very upset!!!

"Mama, everyone is a grandchild,

no matter what the age is.

We all have grandparents,

no matter they are alive or not."

iza said this morning.

It is not a conclusion to anything.

We are not even talking.

And, we never talk on this before.

Her funny thoughts always breakthrough the silence of mornings...

It is such a nice way to wake me up!

+++

" To be very honest, I love to talk VERY MUCH!"

She sounds like joking,

but it is seriously true!

She is very honest :)

BEHIND THE SCENE

Behind the scenes, there is always a devoted team.

Iza has been one of our team member since 11 months old.
She enchanted our loaded spirits during the most difficult times.
(When she goes to primary school, she will not be on the front line with us anymore.)

This was about more than a year ago.
We were in the final stage of programming in Singapore.






Mechanical parts, audio visuals, lighting were ready for testing...



When iza saw the screens moving (4 screens of 4M high each are programmed to move like dancing), iza couldn't help dancing in front of them.

It is iza's ever first birthday present for me.
My best birthday present!
From choose to pay, she did it all by herself.
When she walked towards the cashier,
I felt so proud and moved.
Papa and I were amazed by her selection.
It is so nostalgic to us!




I thank Tiel (www.tsktsk.typepad.com) for recommending such an inspiring book -
The divided Heart by Rachel Power( www.loobylu.com/archives/000999.htm).
It is always hard for me to be both a competent mother and a designer.
There is always a strong pull.

+++

Since iza has started school, I nearly stop organising works we've done for the past 2 years.
I lose networks on publication of our projects.
Draughtzman seems disappeared.
It is really bad that our potential clients cannot find us!
Today,
I put one of our favorite project in Singapore here,
as a tribute to all involved.
We made all the efforts in interior design, art direction, as show director mediating all media designs and digging into details of all props...
To release it as a gift for all team members and myself.


ION ORCHARD SHOWSUITE

GROW

Iza woke up one morning.
Just opened her eyes and said,
" Mama, I am much taller now.
You know when our muscles grow, we don't feel it at all! "

+++

ZERO

"Do you remember what you promise me?" iza said.
"Um..."
"You said that you will
buy me a bicycle (a promise before summer holiday);
make a water gun with me (requested a several times and she's got a design drawing on this);
make a house and a dress for Tzs Kwan (her doll);
and,
make a dress for me!
You've got zero mark!"

I am really sorry.

+++

CANNOT

"There are a lot of things inside my head.
I think but cannot figure out.
When I want to ask you,
you are not always by my side.
Only a slap-bang on the door, the thought will go away!
And,
many times I don't know how to put them in words.
I cannot!
Mama..."

Iza has such an appeal for many times recently.
I can feel how hard she feels.

"Just like...
why granny always blames me?
Only me?
It's not me who misplaces her things!
When she cannot find the things,
it is always me!
She is unjust"

The fact was that.
When we were watching Tv on the first floor.
Granny asked iza to go downstairs.
She had been confronted alone.
When granny found her things, she just told iza that she had not accused her.
But she cannot understand how hard iza feels.
Iza was so unhappy that she didn't want to have dinner.
This induced another "war".
Iza has been labelled disobedient.

As I know, this is not a single case.

I understand this fully with all my heart.
I was growing up under this shadow!
I was/am the one.
Lucky enough, not the only one.
Can I explain why?
Cannot.
Can I sooth Iza's little soul?
Cannot.
I hate injustice!
Deeply with my soul!
Fight against?
That will lead to an even worse situation.
I'm the one who cannot put anger in words.
I cannot tell emotions.
I cannot help iza a lot.
Only,
I understand.

A lovely pair of "shoes" from Bonpoint.
Iza can have warm feet this winter.

VIETNAM 11

The morning of the fourth day

In Hong Kong, we only see tiny holes created by crabs on the beach.

There were big holes on the hotel beach!

There must be big crabs.

You can see fine dash lines.

They were traces of crabs.

Iza tried to see how deep the hole was by pushing in sand gently.

The hole "ate up" a large amount of sand!

At last, she couldn't help herself digging in to find the big mysterious crab!

Writing her name

The last lot.

VIETNAM 10

Wine Cellar

The third night.
We dined in an exquisite cave - the wine cellar.
Only one table.
Each course had it's well matched wine.
Iza perfectly blended in this scenery,
no matter the way she dressed or the way she acted.
She looked like a "caveman".
My little uncivilized.







Tomorrow will be the last lot of pictures.
Only a 4-days trip,
there are more than 10 sections of posts!!!
It is not an intent.
But arranging photos takes unexpected amount of time!
Looking back, we have a very contented trip.

+++

BOOK

Iza has asked,
"Can our blog keep forever?"
I don't think the host will provide server sevices forever.
My original intention of this blog is to keep a visual journal on iza,
so she can easily access to.
She can always revisit all lovely moments on her growing path.
But when she is 50,
will this site still exist?

Maybe I shall go back to make a little book (I always dream of this before she was born).
And I should start to organize and print out the pics.
Otherwise, when she grows older, this will turn into a "mission impossible"!
See, I still haven't got her photos taken before this blog started figured out and arranged.
I rarely print out pics, except requested by school for certain purpose.

Yesterday, I found a book in pageOne - a HK bookstore.
It's about a blog of a HK family.
A family with 2 young children.
Their blog gets the greatest hits on the internet among HK people.
I wonder how can this happen.
Can we do this too?
I'm not thinking of being popular.
It's just about a book.
It would be wonderful if I see 10 copies of "our book" on the bookshelf of pageOne...

+++

Papa ziggy reminded me yesterday,
we have our blog more than 1 year.
It's already 1Y 7days.
We are so glad to have visitors from places all over the world.
It is always amazing to read the emails and comments!
Always!
Also thanks for putting us into your links!

And, I'm honored to have mengchia visited our blog.

I've once mentioned in the blog about her works when I read through "Play Pen".
But I cannot find her book.
As recommended by mengchia,
"If you would like, you can find the book 'Oh!' from the publisher's website- www.lirabelle.fr
You can find my name from Illustrateurs then click L.
And you can order a copy from it."

This is the book "Oh!"


Her blog is:
www.mengchialai.com